The Weakest Link!
by Zenith the Hedgehog
Summary: Ten contestants have an opportunity to win up to two million dollars. This is another fanfic that I done redone from its original script format, so... I AM NEVER DELETING THIS!
1. Round 1

_Here are the ten creatures who will take part in tonight's show. One of them will walk away with up to two million dollars. Will it be the so-called "legendary" hedgehog? Will it be an extremely annoying feminine-ish robot? Or perhaps the Ultimate Lifeform himself? Find out here and now on The Weakest Link._

* * *

I stared at the camera impatienty, waiting for the camera guy to give me the "thumbs-up". He finally did. "Welcome to The Weakest Link," I announced confidently. "Any of the ten contestants in the studio tonight could win up to $2,000,000... but nine will leave with nothing, as round by round, we kick out the player voted the Weakest Link. Let's meet the team."

I turned and faced the entire team of freaks. They all presented their bios in a weird fashion.

"I'm Sonic the Hedgehog. I'm the fastest thing alive, and you know it."

"I'm Knuckles the Echidna. Just call me Knuckles."

"I'm Espio. If I don't win, someone gets to meet my supah neenjah skeelz."

"HI! I'M BOKKUN! I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD WORK FOR DR. EGGMAN!"

"Has anyone seen Froggy?"

"I'm Silver. I'm from the future. Did you know it says 'gullible' on the ceiling?"

"My name is Vector, and that jackpot is mine! Or else I'll eat you up!"

"I can't believe you had the nerve to drag me into this Sparta."

"I AM E-123 OMEGA. I LIKE MILKSHAKES."

"I'm Jet... aka the REAL fastest thing alive."

"Alright ladies, now for da rules..." I announced in a taunting manner. "In each round, the aim is to answer enough questions correctly to reach your $200,000 within the time limit. You do that by making a chain of ten correct answers."

**$200,000**

$75,000

$50,000

$25,000

$15,000

$10,000

$7500

$5000

$2500

$1000

"Screw up your question, and you will break the chain and lose all the money bankrolled up to that point. You are, however, allowed to say the word "bank" before the question is asked, but remember — you'll start a new chain from zero. And most importantly, only money that has been banked can be taken forward. The first round is three minutes long. The order in which you are playing was randomly determined before the show. We'll start with the oldest player."

"Is that me?" the huge cat wondered out loud.

Vector yelled in response, "No way, I'm older than all of you!"

"You're both wrong," I scolded both of them. "Technically, that would be Shadow."

Shadow bragged in an evidently uninterested tone, "Oh joy. Can you read me the question."

"First question is for $1000. Let's play The Weakest Link." I only said that because I just wanted to get on with the game.

"Shadow, the journalist and presenter of every British episode of The Weakest Link since it began in 2000 is Anne who?"

"Robinson."

"Correct." I turned to E-123 Omega. "Omega, in almost every episode of The Weakest Link, Anne Robinson has worn outfits of what color?"

"BLACK," beeped Omega in that robotic tone.

"Correct. Jet, in spelling, which word has more vowels: Weakest or Link?"

Jet hesitated and guessed, "...Link?"

"Weakest! I can't believe you missed that!" I complained. "Sonic, over thirteen series of The Weakest Link, what seven-letter word meaning 'farewell' has been said to losing contestants over 11,000 times?"

Referring back to the previous question asked to Jet, Sonic answered, "Weakest."

_What the brick._ "You know, at the rate you're failing, you're gonna be the first contestant voted off. It's 'goodbye'. Knuckles—"

"Bank," the red echidna said.

"Dude, you got no money to bank! Anyway..."

He shouted again, "BANK!"

"KNUX!" I shouted above him. The instant after he got ahold of himself, I continued, "In almost all versions of The Weakest Link, the final round features how many contestants?"

He looked around the studio. I looked at him in disgust, wondering how that pertained to the question. Finally he said, "Eleven."

"Two!" _Why did I pick this team?!_ "Espio, because of her numerous putdowns and unpleasant manner over thirteen series of The Weakest Link, the Tabloid Press gave Anne Robinson the rhyming nickname of the Queen of what?"

"Mean," answered Espio quickly.

"Correct! Bokkun, in TV, The Weakest Link is an example of what type of program, a quiz show or a period drama?"

Bokkun knew this. He shouted so loud that I almost needed a painkiller after the following spaz attack, "QUIZ SHOW!"

"Correct." I was left rubbing my ears over and over in an attempt to ease the pain. "Big, what name is given to the winner of any taping of The Weakest Link?" He didn't notice I was asking the question. "Big? Big!" I had to snap my fingers once or twice.

Awakening from that trance or whatever, the bag of fat panicked. "Ah! Have you seen Froggy?"

"No! Give me the answer!"

"What answer?" Apparently he had no clue he was in a game show. "I must save Froggy!"

"You wanna pass?" I questioned reluctantly.

"I'm coming Froggy!" Big the Cat ran out the studio.

I took that as a pass. "Right... it was the Strongest Link. Silver, what word must be said by a contestant before the question is asked to ensure that the money won up to that point is saved?"

"Bank."

"Correct." Good thing he answered correctly when the chain was at zero. "Vector, the person declared the Weakest Link at the end of a round is the player who gets the most votes or the least votes?"

Thankfully Vector was careful not to get the answers mixed up. "The _most_ votes!"

"Correct." The next question that popped up on my screen was rather... disturbing, especially if asked to a certain ebony hedgehog... I read on anyway. "Shadow, what do you call a 12-year-old girl who was born with an incurable infection, lived on a space colony for twelve years, and killed by a bullet?"

"Uh..." I sincerely hoped he wasn't thinking what I was thinking. "Dead?"

I still can't believe he even came up with that answer, but I was not gonna turn down a well-played answer. "Correct! Omega—"

"BREAD."

"How did you know that? Jet—"

"Bank," he interrupted at the appropriate time, finally.

I continued the question. "The TV show with the subtitle 'Friendship Is Magic' that has gained an unlikely audience known as 'bronies' is called what?"

"Uh... Bronies vs. Furies." Yes, he said "furies". With one R.

"My Little Pony! Geez. Who hasn't heard of My Little Pony?" Ah, yes. The one show I was more familiar with than anyone I knew. "Sonic, how many moons does Pluto have?"

I could've sworn he took a total guess. "77."

"One."

He must've thought he was allowed to take multiple guesses. "85," he snapped, obviously having not paid any attention to the correct answer, which I'd already revealed.

"No, Pluto has only one moon!" At that point the timer stopped, and the background music came to a stop.

"The time has expired," I announced. "And in that round, you losers managed a measly $7500." At the mention of that total, all nine players in the studio shook their heads in shame... except Omega. "Who is already trying your patience? Who is continuing to be dazed and confused? Well, besides Big the Cat?" I was looking at Big's abandoned podium-type thing in particular. "One of you is about to leave with nothing. It's time to vote off the Weakest Link."

* * *

_Statistically, the strongest link in that round, having provided his most recent answer in record time, is Omega. With Big already disqualified, the weakest link is now Sonic. But are the other players still considering Big?_

* * *

"Ok, put your pens down. It's now time to reveal whom you believe to be the Weakest Link."

**Big** (Sonic's vote)

**Big** (Knuckles' vote)

**Big** (Espio's vote)

**Big** (Bokkun's vote)

**-** (Since Big the Cat left in the middle of the question round, he did not vote.)

**Big **(Silver's vote)

**Big** (Vector's vote)

**Sonic** (Shadow's vote)

**Sonic** (Omega's vote)

**Sonic** (Jet's vote)

I turned to Shadow because I wanted to. "Shadow, how are you feeling?"

"Content," he answered contently... or so it seemed.

"Yeah, so far," I added.

"True, true." He nodded in agreement.

"What do you think of your chances?"

"I think they'll take me deep into the last few rounds. Hopefully I'll get to play against Omega in the final round."

I pointed out his vote. "Why did you choose Sonic?"

"Well, considering Big's not here, I figured that he disqualified himself trying to rescue his pet frog. Also because I have a hard time getting along with Sonic."

Figures. "So, let me get this straight..." I started, pointing at every player one by one for about two seconds each. "The majority of you voted for Big the Cat. Well let me tell you something. During the vote, I met up with our executive producer. And he informed me that Big chose to leave the competition and search for his frog... so that means the player with the second-highest number of votes is out. That in turn makes Sonic the worst player."

"What! I only flubbed one question!" he complained.

"Correction, you actually flubbed both of them. And that was two questions too many. With three votes, you are the Weakest Link. Goodbye."

Sonic stormed off his podium, initially towards the Ultimate Lifeform. "Get you next time, Shadow."

Backstage, a blue blah acted as if something odd had happened. "I don't understand what happened. I thought I knew how many moons Pluto had! If you ask me, Jet's probably gonna go out next. Just you wait."


	2. Round 2

_I knew this was a dumb idea from the start._ I was cursing under my breath, addressing eight contestants in particular. _Hopefully the next group won't be so obnoxious._ "Anyway," I recovered as I got the "thumbs-up" from the camera man. "Round two, and so far you've managed to bank a lousy $7500 out of a possible $200,000. There are eight players left. We are now taking ten seconds off the clock. We'll start with the strongest link from the last round... which is Omega." A tough-looking robot stayed expressionless. "Let's play The Weakest Link."

"Omega, how many units are in a baker's dozen?"

He did not hesitate to answer, "TWELVE."

"No, a _baker's_ dozen. It's thirteen. Jet, how many people have won the top prize in the UK show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"

"Two?"

Evidently he'd never seen the show, or at least the UK version. "Five. Knuckles, what is 11 multiplied by 12?"

He took a second to answer. "132."

"Correct!" I didn't think he'd be good at math. "Espio, which of the following is a unit of mass, a meter, a liter, or a gram?"

"A gram."

"Correct. Bokkun, Dr. Eggman's amusement park from Sonic Colors has the tagline, 'It's for my amusement and your' what?"

"THAT'S AN EASY ONE. ENSLAVEMENT!"

"Correct. Silver, what element in the periodic table has atomic mass 47?"

An awkward look suddenly sweeped his face. "Uh... silver?"

Duh. "Vector, between Sonic and Knuckles..."

"Wait, you didn't tell me—"

"Your answer was correct, Silver. Anyway, back to Vector. Between Sonic and Knuckles, who is more likely to be punched?"

"Uh, uh, Sonic?"

"Correct!" At least he knew how much everyone hated Sonic. "Shadow—"

"23."

"BANK."

_What the hell happened!?_ "...Ok then, that is the correct answer, and Shadow, I am this close to disqualifying you on the suspicion that you're psychic."

"I just had this feeling." That was all he would say.

"Whatever. I don't know if I believe you for one second. Omega—"

"Of course you do! Aren't we like, the best of friends?"

"I don't know about that." Only because the idea itself was just disturbing. "Omega, what song by the Canadian prog band Rush is also the title of a novel by Mark Twain?"

"HUCKLEBERRY FINN."

"Tom Sawyer." I felt like he'd missed a blatantly obvious question. "Jet, what country separates Iran and India?"

"Iraq." At that moment, the BGM stopped, thus signaling the end of the question round... again.

"Time is up. The correct answer was Pakistan. In that round... you banked a worthless, useless $15,000." Once again, shame filled the studio rather quickly. "That money will go through to the next round... but one of you won't. Who is the Winona Ryder in your department store? Who's milking your cash cow dry? It's time to vote off the Weakest Link."

* * *

_Jet is the weakest link statistically. He got all of his answers wrong. Shadow is the strongest link, because he got his question correct faster than Omega did in the first round. But has the rest of the team noticed?_

* * *

"Pens down," I announced. "Voting is over; it's time to reveal whom you believe to be the Weakest Link."

**Jet** (Knuckles' vote)

**Jet** (Espio's vote)

**Jet** (Bokkun's vote)

**Omega** (Silver's vote)

**Omega** (Vector's vote)

**Jet** (Shadow's vote)

**Jet** (Omega's vote)

**Omega** (Jet's vote)

I looked towards Knuckles blatantly. "Why are you called Knuckles?"

"Is your hair color natural?" he snapped.

God forbid this game should get any more random. "But anyway. Why did you vote for Jet the Hawk?"

He just said flat out, "I hate him."

"What about him do you hate?"

"He's just so... bratty! Wouldn't you agree?"

"I'm not gonna be so judgmental." I turned to intimidate a bratty hawk. "Jet, do you think Omega did just as poorly as you did?"

"Under all circumstances, yes."

I pointed out the obvious. "You always wanted to get attention, right?"

"Well, not in a way—!"

"Well, TOO BAD!" I interrupted him quickly. "Precisely that is headed your way. With five votes, you are the Weakest Link. Goodbye."

Backstage, Jet the Hawk started complaining in his childish manner. "This is bogus. I should've lasted at least five more rounds," he whined after his plan to finish Sonic off had backfired. "I can't believe I messed up those questions. I know my geography! I don't remember how Iraq came to mind."


	3. Round 3

"Round three is now under way," I announced after the break. "So far in this game, out of a possible $400,000, you ladies have scooped up only $22,500. There are seven players left. We are taking another ten seconds off the clock. We'll start with the strongest link from the last round. Shadow, that would be you. Let's play The Weakest Link."

"Shadow, the song 'Jerry Was a Racecar Driver' was recorded for and released on the album _Sailing the Seas of Cheese_ by what funk rock band?" Oops. Almost said the "queen mother of all dirty words".

He simply answered, "Primus."

"Correct." I nearly lost it upon reading the question for Omega, considering how impossible it may have been to use logic to figure out the answer. "Omega, have I ever completed The Impossible Quiz?"

"NO."

"Wrong again. I answered all 110 questions in 2010. Knuckles, how many questions does the very first Impossible Quiz have?"

Careful... "110! Didn't you just say?" he said, as if I'd made the answer blatantly obvious.

"No, the very first quiz was a demo consisting of 30 questions. Espio—"

"Bank."

"You have no money to bank." Damn, and I thought they were starting to get it right. "What boxer is featured in the initial release of the 1987 NES game Punch-Out?"

"Muhammad Ali."

"Mike Tyson." That was when I lost it. "No one understands retro gaming anymore. What is wrong with you people!" Anne Robinson probably could've handled a situation like this more efficiently. "Bokkun, approximately how many bytes make up a megabyte?"

"A MILLION!"

"Correct. Silver, if 6 was 9, then what would 0 be?"

"3?" Not. You had to be familiar with a certain song by Jimi Hendrix to understand that one.

"0. Vector, what group led by William the Conqueror invaded and conquered England in 1066?"

"The Normans!"

"No, the Mongols!" Just kidding! "Yes, the Normans. Shadow, the two elements in the periodic table that are liquids under standard conditions are mercury and what halogen?"

"Bromine."

"Correct. Omega, what is the 24th letter in the Greek alphabet?"

"OMEGA." This was obviously a question he was destined to answer correctly.

"Correct." I tried to remain focused as I stared the following trick question into oblivion. "Knuckles, what song's chorus goes 'I get knocked down, but I get up again'?

"...Tubthumping?"

"Correct." I honestly didn't think he'd get that.

"Bank," the horned ninja snapped.

"Espio, who had two hit albums in the 1980s, _Thriller_ and _Bad_, both of which accumulated sales of over 40 million copies?"

"Michael Jackson," he answered confidently.

"Correct. Bokkun—"

"BANK!"

Not really giving a damn that the contestants were starting to get it right, I continued. "Bokkun, in 2009, Danny Johnson became a Legend of Rock when he scored 973,954 points in what game?"

"ROCK REVOLUTION!" he snapped.

_F&#k!_ "Guitar Hero! Silver, in what FOX quiz show did a team of five players work together to answer eight questions..." The music score abruptly receded before I could finish.

"Time is up; I cannot complete the question." The rules stated that any question in the middle of being asked when the time expired was null and void. "And I honestly have to say... WTF was that?!" The studio audience lost it. "I think you could be doing so much better. You just have to kick out the right player. And in case you were still wondering, you picked up a dreadfully dreadful $8500. Whose head is as empty as a jack-o'-lantern? One of you is about to leave with nothing, so choose wisely. It's time to vote off the Weakest Link."

* * *

_As the only player to have answered more than one question correctly, Shadow is once again the strongest link. Silver is statistically the weakest link; he didn't get one correct answer. But will the votes follow the facts?_

* * *

"Pens down. Voting is over; you can now reveal whom you believe to be the Weakest Link."

**Bokkun** (Knuckles' vote)

**Bokkun** (Espio's vote)

**Silver** (Bokkun's vote)

**Omega** (Silver's vote)

**Bokkun** (Vector's vote)

**Silver** (Shadow's vote)

**Knuckles** (Omega's vote)

I turned to the ninja chameleon. "Espio, how did you get the name Espio?"

"Duh, my supah neenjah skeelz."

I responded by making a very unimportant point. "I once had something closely related to that... until Knux decided to steal it." I gave Knux a nasty look. "I called it dignity."

"Yes," he replied simply, "we all lose track of our dignity."

"Why Bokkun? Why not Silver or Omega?"

"Because Bokkun is nothing but an annoying, childish loudmouth!"

The audience cheered loudly. Knuckles and Vector laughed with the chameleon with the supah neenjah skeelz.

"Yeah, way to tell him off," I taunted, really not giving a damn. "Silver—"

"Is your hair color natural?" he interrupted.

"Do you have a cousin named Gold!?" I snapped out of frustration from everyone asking about my purple hair radically contrasting to my red fur. _If only I had a more blatant comeback... _"Anyway," I recovered, "what made you think Omega should be the one to go?

"I just don't want him to destroy me. He looks like the robot that could kill." He gave Omega a nasty look of contempt.

"You know what, everyone seems to have the potential to kill. Well I figured I might as well check up on you because statistically, you were the worst player... but of course it's the votes that count." I turned the podium the slightest bit to the left to face the first player to his right. "And the player with the most votes... is Bokkun..."

"WHAT!" he suddenly spazzed.

"With three votes, you are the Weakest Link. Goodbye."

After he stormed through the main exit, I escaped to the _secret_ secret passage, an exit that only the host was allowed to use. At the end of the passage, I walked into the control room and snapped, "Get me a painkiller. The loudmouth spazbot is like, destroying my ears."

Backstage, Eggman's annoying-ass little hunchbot was having a psychobilly freakout. "IT'S NOT EVEN FAIR!" he shouted at the camera. "I KNEW SILVER WAS THE WORST PLAYER! I'M GONNA GET MY REVENGE ON HIM IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!


	4. Round 4

"Ugh..." I noticed that the show was back on the air while I was still massaging my ears. _Here we go again._ "Well now that the loudmouth is gone, on we go to round four." I focused on the six losers in the studio. "Right now, you losers are up to a mere $31,000, when in theory you could've won $600,000. There are six players left. We are taking another ten seconds off the clock. You now have two-and-a-half minutes. We'll start with the strongest link from the last round, which once again is Shadow. Let's play The Weakest Link." Another round of torture was on the menu for the next two-and-a-half minutes.

"Shadow, what is 2000 hours expressed in standard time?"

"8:00 pm."

Military time FTW. "Correct. Omega, whose face is depicted on the ten dollar bill?"

"JAMES BUCHANAN."

What?! "I don't get how you don't know that. The answer is Alexander Hamilton. Even I could've answered it."

Shadow replied blatantly, "Yeah, cuz you're American." Too bad this guy didn't know the state from whence I came.

"Yeah, well Professor Gerald Robotnik could probably answer it too..."

"Wait, how do you know about him?"

"Duh, you think I don't know about the greatest scientist of all time?" It wasn't just me. I could've sworn that everyone reading this would know a thing or two about the greatest scientist of his age, and probably any age. "I could very well have you out faster than you could say 'oops'." I was now shaking my head at the dumbass who claimed to be the Ultimate Lifeform. "But anyway. Knuckles, how many hedgehogs were in the studio at the start of the game?"

_One, two, three... what comes after three?_ "Three."

"Four! I'm obviously one of them."

"What! I thought you said—"

"I said 'in the studio', not necessarily in the team." More hedgehogs to come in the next game. "Espio, how many seconds are in a year?

"Uh..." The horned ninja was definitely confused. "A million?"

"Twelve." January second, February second, March second... "Silver, what TV personality co-hosted Live! with Kelly Ripa from 1983 until his retirement in 2011?"

He took about a thousand milliseconds to come up with an answer. "Regis Philbin!" Is that your final answer?

"Correct!"

Silver looked weirded out by my reply. "What, you think I didn't know that?"

"No, I wanted you to know it." I'd been a fan of Regis ever since I first saw him on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. "But anyway. Vector, the majority of people in the world are right-handed or left-handed?

"Right-handed."

"Correct. Shadow, what is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?"

"42."

"One would argue that life is completely and utterly pointless. That would explain why you and I both hate to be alive right now." All of the other contestants (except for Omega) got a kick out of my comment. "However, you are absolutely correct. Omega, what phrase might you say to an impossible situation?"

"DOES NOT COMPUTE," beeped Omega in his usual beeping tone.

"Correct. Knuckles, what are the spikes that stick out on your gloves?" I couldn't believe I'd just asked that pointless question.

"Duh, they're my knuckles."

"You know, I honestly don't understand how only two of them stick out on each hand. Surely you have to have more than four total."

"Bank," interrupted Espio right in the nick of time.

"But I do!" Right about then the symbolic four-tone ending cut the track. "And don't call me Shirley."

"Time has expired, and Espio, your bank was in time." The chameleon just rolled his eyes. "So for that round, you salvaged a devastating $10,000. That money will go through to the next round, but one of you won't. Who is the member of this Dream Team that's giving you nightmares? It's time to vote off the Weakest Link."

* * *

_For the third time in the game, Shadow is statistically the strongest link. Espio is the weakest link; he is the only player not to get a correct answer. But it's the votes that count._

* * *

"Pens down, please. As usual, it's now time to reveal whom you believe to be the Weakest Link."

**Espio** (Knuckles' vote)

**Knuckles** (Espio's vote)

**Omega** (Silver's vote)

**Omega** (Vector's vote)

**Knuckles** (Shadow's vote)

**Espio** (Omega's vote)

"Thank you very much," I blatantly stated, "we have a three-way tie." The audience just whooped. "Vector, do you still have a crush on Vanilla?" Then the audience just lost it.

Shaking his head, he replied, "Nah, we don't really talk anymore."

Subject change. "How are you liking your chances?"

"I don't know if I'll be here much longer. The questions are getting rather difficult and there's less time on the clock, so I might be gone two rounds from now, maybe." Good point.

"Why did you pick Omega?"

"First of all, he's a robot. He should be getting his answers right, but I'm starting to wonder if he's malfunctioning!" Another good point.

"You know, not everything can be perfect in life, now can it? Omega..."

"I WILL DESTROY YOU," he interrupted, holding his laser of annihilation at me.

I was definitely not amused. "Put that laser down and tell me why you voted for Espio."

"ESPIO GOT ALL OF HIS ANSWERS WRONG. GOODBYE."

"Ok, goodbye. Shadow—"

"Huh? What? I was just, uh..." As if I'd snapped him out of a trance.

"Dude, calm down. I'm just gonna interrogate you for the next thirty seconds."

"Oh ok, but make it quick. I'm trying to recount Molly..."

"Molly who?" I snapped, like the gossipy dude I didn't want to be. "Molly Hatchet?"

"Molly who? I don't remember her last name..."

"You know, I bet Hatchet was her last name. She sounds like she had an interest in both flirtin' with disaster and 'Flirtin' With Disaster'."

He looked sort of confuzed. "Flirtin' with disaster and... what's the difference?"

"One of them is a song, and the other is actually taking chances. #LWWY, bro!"

Now he was REALLY confuzed. "LWWY?"

"LWWY means 'Live While We're Young'! Why did you pick Knuckles?"

"I honestly hate his lazy ass. Also, he missed the Impossible Quiz one. Even I knew about the demo."

"So... what about his lazy ass do you hate?"

"He's lazy! He just sits around all day failing miserably to protect the Master Emerald, which Bat Girl has probably already stolen by now." The truth was, I still had it in my room. "And I can't stand to look at his God-forsaken, long-ass tail!" I couldn't help but think that he might've actually referred to ME with that last comment.

"Hey, don't be hatin'. Well when the vote is tied, the strongest link has to cast the deciding vote. And in that round, the strongest link, unfortunately... was Shadow." All eyes were now literally on the black hedgehog. "So Shadow, we all wanna hear from you. You have three players to choose from. Are you gonna kick out Espio? Are you gonna give Omega the boot? Or are you gonna stick with your original vote and flame Knuckles?"

"Are you kidding me? I know for a fact Knuckles ain't the weakest link."

"So why in the name of Ra did you vote for him in the first place?" As if we all wanted to know.

"Just to give him a hard time." He really cracked the audience up with that comment. "I didn't think anyone else would be considering him. You know what, the robot to my left is starting to creep me out. I think I'm gonna give Omega the boot."

"A twist! I love it." Yes, a twist was known to make great television. "Omega, you were right. Statistically, the worst player was Espio... but it's the votes that count. With two votes, you are the Weakest Link. Goodbye."

Backstage, this bot sounded like he had some screwed-up circuitry. "DOES NOT COMPUTE. DOES NOT COMPUTE. DOES NOT COMPUTE."


	5. Round 5

"Round five," I started after the dun-dun-dun-dun jingle cued. "You are now down to five players, and so far you've managed to bank a hilariously depressing... $41,000." The audience got a kick out of that one. "We are taking another ten seconds off the clock. We'll start with the strongest link from the last round, which I mentioned before was Shadow."

"As always," he boasted to himself.

"Let's play The Weakest Link." Cue the dun-dun-dun-dun, then start the clock.

"Shadow, what is the square root of 196?"

"Fourteen."

"Correct. Knuckles, what group led by Genghis Khan invaded China and parts of Europe in the 13th century?"

"The Normans?"

"The Mongols!" This time I wasn't joking around. "Espio, if we didn't have a double elimination in round one, what round would this be?"

"Round six."

"Correct. Silver, what is the first noble gas in the periodic table according to atomic number?"

Obviously it was a trick question, given he hesitated for a split-second. "Hydrogen!" Or not.

"Helium!" I snapped.

"What!"

"I said the first _noble gas_, not necessarily—"

"But hydrogen IS a gas!" he interrupted.

MOVING ON. "Vector, who's the only one answering all the questions correctly?"

"Me, of course."

"Shadow!"

"WHAT?!" he snapped.

Going back to Vector, I pointed out, "Wrong answer, Vector. The correct answer turned out to be the next player receiving the question, which just so happens to be Shadow. Anyway..."

"But why am I the answer?" Why not?

"Shadow..." I'd already had plenty of difficulty going through the pack of losers. I felt like I just had to end it all, right here right now. "I have more to worry about than being insulted for my hair, and my short stature, and being a fan character. Can you name an example?"

"Uh..." Obviously he didn't know if this was a trivia question or not. "This quiz show?"

"Thank you! Knuckles, who played John Malkovich in the 1999 film _Being John Malkovich_?"

"Uh... John Malkovich?"

"Correct. Espio, what is 'racecar' spelled backwards?"

"Racecar," he answered quite confidently.

"Duh. Silver, what is one minus two plus three minus four plus five minus six?"

_One, minus one, two, minus two, three, minus..._ was the thought process I hoped was going through his little noggin. Finally he shouted, "Negative three!"

"Correct! Vector, in golf, what is the common term for a shot over par?"

"A bogey."

"Correct. Shadow, still in golf," like a boss, "what is the common term for two shots under par?"

"An eagle." Aha!

"Very good. Knuckles..."

"Bank." For the bajillionth time tonight I got the feeling that they were finally getting it for once.

"Who is the current guitarist for Guns n' Roses?"

"You mean it isn't Slash?" I mean, obviously...

"It's not complicated, Knux..." I started tapping my foot.

"Uh..." I swear the answer he came up with was completely random. "Tom Delonge."

"Bumblefoot is the answer," I stated right as the way-past-cool BGM ceased.

"Time is up. I understand that probably none of you have ever heard of Bumblefoot. But that doesn't matter. What does matter is your total for this round, which is still nothing to sneeze at."

"But we got like, six correct!" blabbed Vector.

"Yeah, well 'round here a round like that is worth only... $15,000." The rest of the field (except for Shadow) shook their heads in shame again. "So... could still be doing a lot better. But anyway. There are five of you in the studio. In two minutes there will be only four. Whom do you believe the WWF acronym 'Without Wisdom Forever' applies to?" We couldn't afford a laughtrack for this show, but luckily the audience was there to fill in for it; they did it horrendously well.

Silver had the nerve to point out, "Don't you mean 'Why We Fail'?" They lost it again.

"IT'S TIME TO VOTE OFF THE WEAKEST LINK!" DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN!

* * *

_Answering three questions correctly makes Shadow the strongest link once again. Knuckles is statistically the weakest link; he missed two of his questions. But at a point where anything can and does happen, will the votes follow the facts?_

* * *

"Alright, you ladies have had enough time to consider your votes, so let's just find out whom you believe to be the Weakest Link."

**Silver **(Knuckles' vote)**  
**

**Shadow **(Espio's vote)**  
**

**Knuckles **(Silver's vote)**  
**

**Silver **(Vector's vote)**  
**

**Vector **(Shadow's vote)**  
**

After a round of groaning from the audience, I started interrogating the contestants as usual. "Espio."

"Purple hair." They lost it again in light of my comedic defeat.

I don't know why I didn't get the idea to start my next quote with "anyway". But anyway. "At a point where anything can and does happen, (wait for it...) you have zero votes. Congratulations."

"Way to go me for voting for Shadow," he blatantly replied.

"You do realize he has more correct answers than anyone else in the studio, right?"

"Of course I do," said that chameleon with the so-called "supah neenjah skeelz". "He can consistently beat the rest of the team on correct answers. You gotta give the guy some credit." Yes, yes you do.

"Well you're just lucky no one else was thinking what you were thinking, otherwise the studio would be demolished by now."

Shadow, overhearing our pleasant conversation, defended himself after hearing only one of the many stereotypes about him. "Come on, do you really expect me to react like that?"

"I don't." I said that mainly because I was supposed to act neutral. "Who knows if anyone else does. Shadow..."

"You're talking to me right now," he snapped.

I continued with what I was about to say: "Why Vector?"

"Same reason as Espio." Whatever that was. "I knew either Silver or Knux would get the boot, so I took the round off."

"Uh-huh." _Enough with him, I should never have asked him about the vote._ "Vector, are you into sports?"

"Of course I am," he snapped. "I'm a huge hockey fan."

"Oh really? What team?"

"All of them!" I was hoping he'd mention something like the Blackhawks...

I got back to the main subject. "Why Silver?"

"Because I thought he missed more than he should've." Yes, we all did.

"Are you sure? Because the statistics on my screen show that Knuckles missed the most questions." Someone was all "just get on with it". "But of course... it's the votes that count."

"Yeah yeah yeah, just hit me with it," replied Silver blatantly.

_Alright then, I'll hit you with it right now._ "Silver, just remember that there are plenty more game shows you can get on to make up for this. With two votes... you are the Weakest Link. Goodbye."

Silver seemed much less abusive towards the vote than most of the other losers in the backstage interview. "I totally saw this coming. I figured I'd be out after only two rounds, so to end up in the final five, I did pretty good."


End file.
